


I do not belong

by SarcasticBrony



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Dark, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad, Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-10-01 15:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17246930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticBrony/pseuds/SarcasticBrony
Summary: I don't want to be here anymore, I want to go home. How much longer until they find a way to send me back? Each passing day is agony and I can't take it anymore.(Thanks to PeerImagination for editing!)





	I do not belong

**Author's Note:**

> I rub my head as I groan a bit from the massive headache I have. My memories are foggy and I have no idea where I am. However, there’s a quiet beep in the air, constant and never ending.

“What happened last night?” I ask in a groggy tone.

“Hello, Anonymous.” I hear a very professional male voice call out. “Good to see you again.”

I open my eyes some and flinch at the light that filtered through. I bear the pain as I see who is talking. There’s a pony standing at the end of my bed in a lab coat. I briefly scan the room to confirm that I’m indeed in a hospital room. The pony before me is Doctor Feels. Really stupid name, I know, but there’s no shortage of stupid names when it comes to these candy colored ponies.

“Sup, doc.” I know all too well why I am here. “Am I good to go?”

He lets out a long, tired sigh. “Anonymous, you’re in this hospital every few days. Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“Were it so easy,” I mutter bitterly before I turn my attention to him. “Am I good to go or not? I don't need your weak ass after school special everytime I come here.”

Another sigh along with a head shake. “Very well. You are free to go.”

“See you in a few,” I mock as I get out of bed and get dressed.

* * *

I pull out my flask of hard whiskey and knock it back briefly as Red Heart pushes over the paperwork.

“I don't think I need to tell you what needs to be signed,” she says as she hoofs over a quill.

“Yup.” I ignore her as I quickly sign. “Send the bill to Celestia.”

Two head shakes and sighs in one day? I’m on a roll.

“Good day, Anonymous,” Red Heart says as I take my leave.

I walk out of the hospital located in Ponyville and look up at the sky. To ponies, this is another bright and sunny day. To me, though, this is just another day in hell. Ever since coming to this world, I feel out of place. Like, something is seriously wrong with this world. Not that I want to belong anyways. If anything, I just want this nightmare to end. To wake up and be back home.

I let out a sigh as I walk down the street shakily. The ponies are avoiding me like the plague, not that it bothers me. If anything, it’s preferred. I don’t want them to pity me or to pretend like they’re my friends. I want to drift without drawing any attention. As I make my way to the bar, I ignore the glares of hate I get from more than a few of the inhabitants.

They can go fuck themselves for all I care. I just want to get a nice stiff drink and their judgemental eyes aren’t going to deter me. I walk into the bar I frequent the most without hesitation, making my way over to the counter and sitting in my usual seat.

“You’re here early,” I hear the bartender say.

I give a shrug. “I need a drink.”

“The usual?” I give a nod. “Coming right up.”

The bartender sets down a bottle of whiskey in front of me. A small shot glass to accompany it. I give a thankful nod as I fish out some bits and place them on the counter. At least this guy knows how to do his job, showing indifference to my alien form and alcoholic tendencies. As long as I got the bits, he’ll give me a drink. I pour myself a shot and knock it back in one go.

The familiar burn calms my nerves, bringing an odd familiarity to it all. They don’t need to say anything; I know that most of the ponies here hate me. Hell, some probably think I’d be better off dead. Sometimes I agree, but I don’t plan on leaving just yet. This burn, though, it’s enough to wash all of my worries away. It reminds me of something I don't have anymore, bringing both pain and relief as it comes to mind. A life I lost when I came to this place.

Why am I called Anonymous? Because I no longer have my old life. I never wished to make a new one here, either. I want to be a ghost, no name and slowly forgotten. I knock back another shot as those thoughts slowly blur. Maybe I’ll be able to relax today?

* * *

“What did you say about my marefriend?!” a brown-coated stallion yells toward me.

“I said that ugly cunt needs to watch her fat ass!” I shout, rubbing my foot.

The fat whore damn near crushed my foot! It was then that I felt some pain coming from the side of my head. Good thing I'm rather drunk, because that would’ve hurt more. I look up to see the stallion is looking at me with a smirk and raised hoof. I can't help but feel myself smile as well, my more predatory teeth having a larger effect on the ponies as they flinch back some.

“You have no idea how much you just fucked up,” I say just before I slam my fist into his face, making sure to put my entire weight into the blow.

His neck snaps to the side and his face comes crashing to the floor, even bouncing some from the sheer amount of force I placed into the blow. I think I even felt his jaw snap when I hit him. I look down and notice my fingers were bent slightly. Hmm, maybe it wasn't so much as his jaw snapping, but more like my fingers dislocating?

I give them a quick jerk in my drunken stupor to straighten them out. I look over and see the mare is by the stallion’s side as she tries to wake him up. Seriously, these ponies are major light weights. Punch a horse on earth, they take the hit and then buck your head clean off. These ponies are nothing like our equines. They’re all too soft and weak. Even the ones that do get violent, like the one laying on the floor, don't even make much of a challenge.

I fish out some bits and toss them at the downed stallion. I can tell all eyes are on me at this moment.

“Seems you paid more than you gave.” I chuckle to myself as I walk back to the bar and down my last shot for the night.

I make my way out of the bar, hearing the whispers of hate as I leave. I adjust my coat some as I look up to the night sky. I have to admit that the nights are rather nice here. Still, I wish for the day I can return to my world. This place isn't where I belong. I give a sad sigh as I fish out my flask and take another long pull. With that thought numbed, I start to stumble my way back home.

* * *

I hear a loud banging coming from the front door. I let out a groan as I get up and stumble my way to answer it. I throw the door open to see who the hell would bother me this early, let alone damn near knock my door off the hinges!

“What?!” I shout.

I look down slightly to see the stoic expression of one of the royal guards. I let out a shaky sigh as I rub my face. There’s only one reason he could be here.

“He struck me first, I hit him back. Good? Good.” I try to slam the door but find a hoof stops me.

“We aren't here for that,” I hear him say in an authoritative tone. “We came by to inform you that the Princess would like to speak with you.”

I open the door with newfound purpose. This is hopefully the news I’ve been waiting for!

“Oh! Sure, where is she?” I ask.

“Canterlot. Get ready. We will be waiting by the chariot.”

“Give me a moment.”

He gives me a nod and goes about his business. This is it! Maybe she finally found a way to send me home!

* * *

The trip to the castle didn't actually take very long. I packed a small bag of random stuff in hopes that I wouldn't be returning to my “home” in Ponyville this day. I could feel a skip in my step as I approach the throne room, the guards opening the doors for me as I stroll right in. I find Celestia sitting exactly where I left her last, on her throne.

“Hey, Princess!” I say slightly cheerful. “Is this the day?”

I see her flinch some at my cheery disposition. She motions toward two small cushions placed in front of her throne.

“Please, take a seat.” Her voice is rather strained.

I could feel a sense of dread about how she is acting. Looking around, I notice there are no guards in the room right now and the fact that she placed a few seats in front of her throne is enough to spell out the situation. However, I have to hope that perhaps this is a misunderstanding.

“I’d rather stand,” I say, flipping my emotions to something more stern, preparing myself should the worst come.

“Anon, I just want to say how sor-”

“Don't, just don't.” It seems my luck has finally run out. I already know what she is about to say. “You can't send me back, can you?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “No.”

I quickly dig into my bag and pull out my flask. I pop the tab and knock the entire contents back. I don't stop until I know it’s empty. I slowly start to feel the pain numb away as the burn sets my throat and stomach on fire. I lower the flask and can see some tears in Celestia’s eyes. I just blow it off as normal pony feelings. They tend to get emotional over stuff.

“So, that’s that,” I say as I put my flask away. “Your guards going to fly me back to Ponyville or should I take the train?”

“Anon, you can't do this anymore,” Celestia pleads. “If you don't stop, you’re going to kill yourself.”

Kill myself? I look at her and give her a smile. One that seems to only send a shiver down her spin.

“I’m already dead, Princess,” I say just before I turn on my heels and leave the room.

Not another word was said in the moment. Maybe she was too shocked to say anything, or maybe she knew that nothing could be said? All she knows, all I ever told her was that I needed to go back to my world. Since that can't happen... I might as well be dead. I left behind so much: my life, my love. Everything. I just continue to walk toward Canterlot. I need a drink to solve my problem.

* * *

“Another,” I say as I set down my sixth shot of tequila. Well, not real tequila, just a pony variant.

“I think you’ve had enough,” the mare says cautiously.

I slam down double what the drink prices were.

“And I said _another,_ ” I growl out.

She looks hesitant, but in the end takes my money and pours me another drink. I knock it back without much thought, giving a satisfied sigh at that familiar burn and numbness. It’s funny how a few drinks can blur all the pain that you feel, making the worst possible news into just another headache.

“You seem rather down in the dumps,” I hear someone say next to me.

I look over and see a purply blob thing. Maybe I did have a bit too much to drink? I can't help but chuckle though as I look back to my drink.

“What gave you that idea?” I slur out.

“Probably the fact you’ve drunk enough to kill anypony here.”

From what I could tell the voice was definitely female. Still blurry though.

“Well, I have more problems than any of you namby pamby ponies could ever realize,” I say with a mocking laugh.

Again, the whispers come from my outspokenness. I didn't care though. I have my drink and that is all I need.

“I guess I can't really deny something like that,” she admits. “Care to drink something sweeter?”

I scoff. “I’d rather stick to the strong stuff, thank you.”

“Mine is guaranteed to knock you on your flank.” Now that piqued my interest. “Then again, it doesn't look like much can do that at this point,” she adds on.

I roll my eyes. “Just get me the drink.”

“Come on, it’s at my house.”

Well, a free drink is a free drink. I pay the mare at the bar and stumble out of my seat as I follow this pony. I’m honestly hoping she’s just trying to get me some place quiet so she can mug and hopefully kill me. Yet I haven’t found a pony with enough balls to ever take the life of another creature. These ponies are weak. I hate this place. Every second I spend walking is just time wasted thinking and not drinking.

“It’s just down the street,” the mare says.

I give nothing more than a grunt in confirmation as I follow her. She wasn’t lying. Her place is literally down the street. I see the purple blob walk up a small set of stairs to the front door and open it. I follow after her, never questioning how weird this situation is. She promised strong booze and that’s what I need. She closes the door behind me and walks past me without a sound.

I keep following into what I can assume is a kitchen.

“Have a seat.” She points to a chair.

I shakily lower myself onto the chair. I honestly thought I was going to face plant there. My eyes are starting to blur less as the alcohol in my system starts to get filtered.

“Where’s this drink you promised?” I ask impatiently.

I watch as she places a wine glass in front of me. Inside is a dark liquid.

“I suggest you drink tha-” I down the entire thing, “slowly.”

I feel the rush of sweet grapes. Not only that, but a certain burn that could rival the most potent of whiskey out there. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt something burn like this. It reminds me of home.

“That’s good,” I compliment.

“You understand that what you just drank is enough to knock down even the strongest of earth ponies?”

I chuckle. “Another.”

“Listen, I’m not going to have a dead body in my home,” she states.

I shrug. “Give me the bottle and I’ll find an alleyway.”

She looks at me with… indifference. Odd, usually the implication of suicide is enough to make even the most hardened of ponies do a double take.

“Will dying really help?” she asks.

“It seems like the best option,” I answer.

“Don’t you have anypony that cares about you?”

“Nope. I’m alone. Just got the worst news I will ever hear for as long as I live. I might as well be dead.”

I look at the mare as she looks at me unsure. It’s still rather odd that she’s speaking so calmly. I watch as she sets the bottle in front of me.

“If you think that’s all you deserve, then you’re better off dead,” she states.

For some reason I feel a fire spark inside of me at those words. It’s not what I deserve; it’s all I have!

“Don’t you talk to me as if you know me,” I warn her. I grab the bottle and down the entire thing in front of her. At no point did she attempt to stop me. I set the bottle back down once it’s gone. “Thank you. Now, before I die, I’d like to get out of your home.”

I stumble towards the front door, the mare having not moved to follow. I turn back and face her just before I leave.

“Thanks for the drink. It’s honestly the best I’ve ever had.”

I walk out and close the door behind me. I look up to the stars hanging in the sky. The entire picture suddenly blurs. I feel a deep pain inside of me. Seems this drink is working faster than I thought. I quickly stumble away from the mare's home and into a lone alleyway. The pain doubles as I slowly slide down a wall and rest against it. The pain seems to fade away as I feel my heart slow to a crawl. I’m not sad at all. The only thing I regret is not being able to see my family again. I can only hope that I’ll see them in the afterlife.

* * *

My ears hear the beeps of a heart monitor. I slowly open my eyes as they blur in and out of focus. It takes a few minutes, but I look around and see an ethereal mane at my bedside. I feel a sigh escape me. It’s loud enough for Celestia to raise her head and look up at me. It looks like her eyes are matted from crying. Stupid ponies.

“Why?” she asks.

“You know why,” I answer.

“No, I don't!” she yells. “You haven’t told anypony anything! Why did you try to kill yourself?!”

I look into her eyes and can see so much pain in them. Celestia has always been too kind for her own good.

“Just let me die,” I say.

“No! I’ll never allow you to harm yourself!” she shouts.

I start to chuckle at that, but it soon turns to full blown laughter. I can see the shocked look Celestia is giving me.

“You can’t stop me. If there’s one thing humans are good at, it’s killing themselves.”

Celestia’s shocked look soon falls to one that’s far more serious.

“If your past is the thing causing this... Perhaps having no memory is the only way to save you?”

I register what she’s saying in a heartbeat and my face quickly morphs into a scowl.

“If you dare to erase my memory, then I swear to whatever god there is that I will kill you. I don’t know how, but my hate will bury itself so deep that not even your magic will find it.”

Celestia is once again shocked by my words. Her eyes slowly water as she looks down at me.

“Why can’t you tell me? Please, just tell me what’s wrong.”

My eyes lock with hers. Even in all her years, she’ll never understand. Ponies don’t even commit suicide often in this world. Perhaps she needs a wake up call.

“Three thousand people.”

She looks confused.

“What?”

“Three thousand people committed suicide today on Earth.” I can see her fur stand up on end, but she cannot speak. “One every thirty seconds.”

“H-How?”

“Humans kill themselves a lot more than ponies. How many cases do you have per day? How about every year? Two a year? One death? Do you want to know how many humans kill themselves in a year?”

I can see her cringe at the thought alone. She’s too nice, too innocent. These ponies will never understand our world, our life or our struggles. They can’t, because their world is filled with magic and happiness. We have to fight for what we get, but these ponies have it handed to them.

“Why are you telling me this?” she asks.

“Because you’ll never understand me, Celestia. Even if we talked for a million years, you’ll never get what drives me. You’ll never understand how I think or why I choose to die instead of living in this hell hole.” I can see her shock. “Yes, Celestia. This isn’t paradise. Even after what I just told you, my home is my home and anything else is nothing more than hell. If I can’t go back, then I’m dead. Living is pointless when you have no reason to live. Do you understand, Celestia? Can you even comprehend what I’m saying?”

For the first time in a long time, I see something I would never expect. I see her sadness turn to rage.

“There is always a reason! Do you think I did not feel lonely when I was forced to banish my sister into the moon?! Do you think that I cannot understand the pain you feel?!”

I feel myself chuckle at her cute story. She can only look at me flabbergasted as I can’t contain the laughter. After a few moments I’m able to calm myself.

“Are you joking?” I ask her but she doesn’t reply. “Celestia, you have your sister back. In fact, she’s in her room right now.” I now feel my own anger rise. “How dare you try and compare your life to mine! I don’t have my family! They’re gone! I’ll never see them again! Even with all your power and wisdom you can’t help me! You have failed, Princess!”

Celestia can only stand there shocked at what I have to say. There’s nothing for her to say because she knows I’m right. Her entire life is perfect. All of her problems have a way of working themselves out, but not for me. She was the only one capable of sending me back home and she can’t do it. The rooms falls into silence as Celestia continues to stand there. I see her gulp down her emotions as she faces me.

“I have some things I need to think about,” Celestia says as she walks to the infirmary door.

“Hey.” Celestia stops at the door when I call to her. “If I’m still alive, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I can see her bite her lip as she quickly walks out of the infirmary. Bad move. I tear the IV from my arm and wait a bit to ensure that she’s gone. She didn’t even strap me down, so leaving will be easy. I get my belongings, get dressed, and walk up to the window. I open it and am glad to find I'm on the first story. I jump out and start walking toward the fence and scale that just as easily. When I jump down, I’m back in Canterlot and not a single guard is in sight.

So, if I’m going to die, I need to make sure I’m not in Canterlot. Last thing I need is Celestia saving me again. I remember that mare that gave me the booze. That stuff was great. Maybe she’s got more hanging around? If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling good. With a destination in mind, I walk to where I last remember her home.

* * *

If I remember correctly then this is the place. I look over the house that mirrors its neighbors. There isn’t much house variety here in Canterlot. Pretty much every house is the same, with a few odd colors here and there. I walk up to the door and knock a few times. I wait patiently as I hear someone walking toward the door. It’s answered by the pony from last night. She looks up at me in surprise.

“How are you alive? I saw you drink that entire bottle!”

“The Princess saved me. Got anymore of that booze?”

“Why?”

“Do you need to ask?”

“You’re still going to try and kill yourself?”

“Yeah. Your drink was pretty good, so I thought I’d mix it into my next plan.”

The mare shakes her head.

“No, it was stupid enough to give you that bottle last night. I won’t be held responsible for killing you.”

“Don’t feel responsible. I’m already dead.”

“As long as you’re still drawing breath, then you will always be alive,” she says with conviction.

Well, I can’t force her to give me a drink. Guess I’ll have to go with my original plan.

“Oh well. Guess I’ll just jump off the edge of Canterlot. That should do the trick.”

I walk away without even sparing her another glance. If I hurry, then it’ll be too late for Celestia to stop me. She’s the main problem and catching her off guard is the best way to success. If she does somehow manage to save me again, I’m just going to bite my tongue off and be done with it.

“Hey!”

I look down and see that pony is following me now.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think you can just leave after saying stuff like that?”

“Who’s going to stop me?”

“I can call the guards.”

“I have a backup plan anyways. I’m going to die, no ifs ands or buts.”

I find it odd how this pony hasn’t shown horror at my words. She just looks determined. Which is an odd look for a pony to have, considering the subject matter.

“There’s no reason to do this.”

“I have plenty of reasons.”

“Then tell me what they are.”

I stop as I face the pony.

“You don’t know me. So why do you care?”

She’s still giving me that determined look.

“Tell me why.”

I roll my eyes. “See ya.”

“I’ll give you a bottle.” I freeze midstep. “If you come with me, to my home, I’ll give you a bottle of my finest.”

Well, if there was anything to stop me right now, it’s a good drink.

“Alright, I’ll come with you. Don’t expect me to stay long.”

She doesn’t say anything as she turns back to walk home. I have no idea what she’s thinking but if I can get a drink before the end, I’ll feel better about this whole ordeal.

* * *

“Alright, I’m here. Where’s the booze?”

“Sit,” she commands.

“I never said I-”

“Sit!”

Well, this is an odd pony indeed. I’ll humor her.

“Alright.”

I walk over to one of her couches and take a seat. She takes a seat across from me.

“Tell me why.”

“I never agreed to that.”

“I also never told you what we would do once you got here.”

“Do you think I have time to waste?”

“You’re dead either way. What’s the harm in sharing one last story?”

Hmmm. She’s got me there. Well, this pony has my interest, so I might as well spin her a tale.

“As you can clearly see, I’m not from around here.” She remains silent. “I come from a planet known as ‘Earth.’ For the past few months, since I’ve come to Equestria, I’ve been trying to get back to where I belong.”

“I assume it hasn’t been going well,” she states.

“Exactly. Celestia has made it official. I’m stuck here and now there’s no reason for me to live anymore.”

“I want to know why. Why can’t you live here in Equestria?”

I let out a sigh. This pony.

“You wouldn’t understand. This place is heaven to you. For me, it’s just a living nightmare. There was no choice for me. I had to go back to Earth or I would die.”

“You’re still not telling me why. Can you not breathe this air? Did you leave somepony behind?”

This pony is almost as nosy as Celestia.

“Do you really want to know?” She nods. “Alright, since you’re the last pony to see me alive, I’ll tell you. My family was on earth.” I feel my mood grow somber. “My wife, my baby girl.” I clench my teeth as I feel my eyes glisten. The memory of them is enough to remind me why life isn’t worth living. “I’ll never get to hear my girl call me dad, see her grow up and start liking boys, maybe even get married once she was old enough.”

I rest my head into my hands.

“Not to mention my wife. We weren’t rich, but we made it work. How is she going to pay the bills? Is she still able to take care of our baby? Does she think I ran out on her? I know we fought sometimes, but I never would’ve left those two alone.” I look up from my hands and at the mare in front of me. “Yet, here I am. I can’t go back and I’m done living in this nightmare. I can only hope there’s a god with enough mercy to let me see my family once more in the afterlife before sending me to hell.” I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. “Bottle, now.”

The pony doesn’t say anything as she gets out of her seat and leaves the room. I just sit there and try to bury everything I’m feeling so that I can get back the nerve to end this. When she enters into the room, I notice that she’s carrying a picture frame and not a bottle of booze. She sets in down in front of me as I look at her with a raised brow.

“This doesn’t look like what you promised me,” I say.

She lets out a long sigh. “I guess nothing’s promised in life.”

I look down at the picture and see the mare beside me smiling widely with a small filly standing next to her. I can see the resemblance between the two. Obviously, her daughter. Why is she showing me this? To rub it in my face that I don’t have a daughter anymore? Then again, where is her daughter? I look around the room and find no signs of anyone else living here.

“She’s not here,” the mare answers in an empty tone. “She died last year.”

That’s a bit of a shock to hear. It’s rare as far as I know that ponies die. Sure, old age, accidents, typical stuff like that, but what could’ve happened to a young filly for her to pass away?

“What happened?” I feel myself ask.

“She was murdered.”

Murder? Is that a thing here? This entire place looks so innocent and pure that it seems almost impossible that something like that can happen. Let alone to a child. I will admit that I haven’t actually looked into the subject, as I’ve mostly shut myself out from the world, so hearing this is a bit shocking.

“Murdered? Like, by a pony?”

She nods, looking off into the distance.

“Yeah. By one of my co-workers. I thought he was my friend, maybe a little bit more. As it turns out he was a serial rapist. Only interested in my daughter. He learned our schedules, and when I was gone, he came in and took her.” I can see her eyes clench shut. “He raped her and slit her throat. The autopsy said it went on for hours before she was killed. How long did my daughter cry out for me to save her? How long until she realised that mommy wasn’t going to save her? Was it when she was bleeding out? Did she stop believing then? Did she hate me for not helping her?”

The mare beside me opens her eyes and looks into mine. They look just as dead as my own, even as tears start to trail down her cheeks.

“I hate being alive just as much as you do,” she states. “But I still continue on.”

“Why?” I ask. “What’s the point? You trying to start a new family? To pretend it didn’t happen?!” I feel my own anger take hold.

“No,” she says clearing her eyes. “I live to continue my suffering. Each day, I wake up without hearing her voice. Each night when I cannot tuck her in. It’s all a living hell and it’s all I deserve. I was selfish, wanting to try and maybe get a father figure in her life, and it ended up being her demise. Everyday I visit her grave and ask for forgiveness and every night I return to this empty house.”

I calm myself down. “Why are you telling me this?”

She looks me dead in the eyes. “Your family is still alive.” I feel my heart freeze up a bit. “You may not be there anymore, but your wife and your daughter are still alive. Maybe it’ll be tough for them without you around, but eventually it’ll work out. My daughter, I can never get her back. She’s dead, so from where I’m sitting, I think your life is looking pretty good. Even if I could never see her again, I would trade it all to know my baby was still alive and well.”

My teeth and fists are clench. I want to argue with her, but there’s nothing I can say. She’s right. My wife is a strong woman and she’ll find a way to take care of our child. With this pony, it seems like I’m being selfish. I’m only killing myself because of my inability to see them again, but her child is the one that’s gone, not to a different world, but from life itself. This damn pony. I’m shaking in anger as I face her dead eyes as they look right through me. I quickly stand up and walk to the door.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“Back to the castle.” I stop before I walk out. “I’ll be back later today for that bottle.”

Before she can respond, I walk out of her home, storming my way toward the castle. I can’t die just yet. I have some shit I need to handle first.

* * *

I storm past the guards at the front gate and make my way to Celestia’s throne room. I push the doors open and see her talking in depth with a guard. She looks surprised that I’m standing there.

“An-”

“Shut up!” She reels back from my shout. “Tell me why you can’t send me back.”

“It’s complicated.”

I grit my teeth. “Uncomplicate it or get ready to have somepony clean my blood from your floor.”

Once again that look of shock was on her face but soon it falls as she bites her lip.

“Alright. The portal you came through has shrunken and I cannot reopen it. My attempts at trying have only caused it to drastically reduce in size. Whatever sent you here doesn’t want you to go back.”

“You’re implying that something did this?”

“Magic has a mind of its own, Anon. We simply suggest to it and those things happen. There are many things it does that we cannot control and for reasons we, too, are unclear on.”

This stupid world and their stupid magic! It’s still unclear to me, but I wasn’t expecting to understand this stuff anyway.

“So why can’t you just make a new portal or something?”

“I tried but, it didn’t work. I’ve tried so many things, Anon. Please, believe me. No pony could figure out how to send you back. Not my sister, Twilight, or myself. I even called Cadance to help and still we couldn’t find anyway to send you back.” I’m about to say something, but Celestia speaks up. “However, before you left, I was going to tell you one thing.”

I raise my brow confused. “What?”

“We can’t send you back and the portal is closing... That doesn’t mean we can’t send something small, such as one last letter.”

I feel my heart skip a beat... A letter?

“Y-Y... You’re saying I can send a letter to my family?” I ask in shock.

Celestia nods. “Just one. The portal is stable for now, but once we send something through, it’ll close forever. I’m sorry, Anon. It’s the best I can do.”

I take a moment to let this sink in. I may not be able to see my family again, but I at least have a chance to tell them what’s happened. I look at Celestia as my face becomes serious.

“I need a lot of writing supplies and a camera.”

Celestia can just sense how I’m feeling and immediately turns to her guard.

“Bring me quills, ink and parchment. Also send for a camera filled with film.”

If I’m only allowed to send one thing, I’m going to make sure I tell them everything that's happened. Not to mention with photo proof.

* * *

I walk into the home of the pony I left alone. She’s still sitting there where she was before but the difference is that there’s now a large bottle of wine sitting atop the table. I walk over and take my seat again as she looks back up at me.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Berry. Berry Punch.”

“John,” I answer as I take the bottle and pour us both a glass.

“So, this is how it ends?” she asks.

I let out a sigh as I lift my glass and look at the liquid inside. However, instead of downing it, I take a sip. I can see the look of surprise on her face as I take this moment to savor the taste. Yeah, this burn definitely reminds me of home.

“My daughter's name is Jessica,” I say as I set the glass down. “She was one of the largest babies the doctor ever saw when she was born.” I feel myself chuckle a bit as I remember the look on his face when he delivered her. “She was like a little pig.”

I look over and notice the dead look in Berry’s eyes fade a bit as she smiles slightly.

“I remember when I gave birth to Pinch. It took hours and the pain certainly wasn’t great, but once I laid eyes on her, I couldn’t help but instantly fall in love.”

“Jessica was a crier too. Always crying and I never knew why. Kept the wife and I up for hours.”

Berry chuckles a bit at that. “Pinch was the same way. She would always cry about so many things.”

I nod my head as I take another sip.

“What else can you tell me about Pinch?” I ask.

Berry is surprised by the question but oddly enough looks more alive than I’ve ever seen her.

“Well, the first day of school is a good memory.”

As we talked, at some point we starting crying as we shared our stories. Yet, despite having a means of giving up sitting on the table, we both simply took to taking small sips of our drinks. I have no idea what I expect from my life here in Equestria, but I do know I won’t give up. If magic decided to bring me here, perhaps one day it’ll take me back.

* * *

Celestia is sitting at the portal to Anon’s world. She’s taken as much data as she could, but now she holds the last thing to send through it. She looks at the various letters Anon took the time to write and even a few pictures of herself, him and her sister. He wanted to make sure his wife didn’t think he walked out on her, a story Anon shared with Celestia, and now one that weighs heavy on her. It makes sense now and she worries for Anon, but the look he gave her before he left was different than the ones before. He looked determined to live.

Celestia looks at the neatly tied letters once more before tossing it through. They will get to his family, she is sure of that.

* * *

__

_To my wife, Alex_

_I’m sorry to have to send you this letter. I know it will be hard for you to believe me, but I can only ask that you take what is written seriously. I’ve appeared in a world unlike my own, full of colorful ponies, no less. I just want you to know that I love you, and due to various reasons, I can’t come back home right now. I hope soon that will change, but for now you will have to take care of our daughter on your own._

_There should also be a large bag of bits with this letter. The currency over here is pure gold, so it should be more than enough to help you get by. Just be sure to melt it down before selling it. You don’t want people asking questions. I honestly don't know how many times I can say I’m sorry, but I hope one day I can tell you how sorry I am to your face._

_Your loving husband,  
John_

__

_To my daughter, Jessica_

_I know you’re not old enough to read yet, but I want you to know that Daddy loves you so much. He always has and always will. Right now, he’s on an adventure in a world filled with colorful ponies. They are very nice and kind to everyone they meet. Here are a few photos. Isn’t the big one pretty? I’m sure you’d love to be here with me, but right now that’s not possible. I’ll be home soon. I don’t know when, but I swear I’ll see you once my adventure is over._

_I love you, Jessica.  
Dad_


End file.
